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June 19, 2013
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So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me
Off guard, red handed
Now I'm far from lonely
Asleep I still see you lying next to me
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I..


    Canada blinked his tired eyes open and stared up at a pair of bright eyes that met his. “Morning,” he told his polar bear softly and remained lying down while the sound of the alarm clock seemed to echo against the walls and pound at his head like a sledge hammer. Gently he moved the bear off his chest and sat up; lightly he slapped the alarm clock and stood. It ached to move whether it was his arms or legs, his feet even tingled a bit- perhaps they were still asleep. Blindly Matthew reached for his dresser and felt around for his glasses. He gasped when he knocked his lamp off the dresser and it shattered at his feet. “Eep!” Canada squeaked lightly and once again fumbled around for his glasses. He glanced down at his feet with worry.

    “Kumajirou, do you know where I put my glasses?” Canada asked desperately and tears welled up in his eyes, too scared to move an inch. The bear crawled about the room in search of his glasses and bumped into his legs. Another squeak escaped Canada’s lips and he lost his balance, he fell forward and stuck his arms out to catch himself and avoid face planting. A hiss escaped his lips and Matthew quickly moved away from all the glass while trying to keep his hands from trembling so violently. A deep red could be spotted in his vision and he slowly raised his hands up so that they were level with his face. A sob was emitted from Canada’s lips as his polar bear carefully made his way over and placed his glasses on his face – crooked but at least on his face.

    Today was going just like all his other days seemed to go, wrong in any way possible.

I need something else
Would someone please just give me
Hit me, knock me out
And let me go back to sleep
I can laugh
All I want inside I still am empty
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me I...


    Canada stumbled into the world conference meeting later that morning with bandaged hands and diminishing confidence. “S-Sorry I’m late!” he sputtered apologetically and gave a nervous smile. He believed that maybe everyone had heard him for once because all eyes turned in his direction. ‘I... I’ve actually been seen?’ Matthew thought with wide violet eyes. “Ha, Ha, Ha! What’s up bros!?” America said with loud laughter, entering the room only seconds after his unseen brother. The bright, loud blonde made his way to the head of the table with a bag of McDonalds in hand. Once he set the bag down, he slammed his gloved hands down on the long table that the other countries had gathered around. Matthew let out a long sigh and hugged his arms around himself. “O-Oh… so you weren’t looking at me… you saw America,” he mumbled softly and slowly walked to his end of the table.

    Carefully Matthew sat down and glanced around the table for you, you were the only country who could always see him. “___... where are you?” he whispered quietly and began to rock back and forth in his chair a bit. America’s blue eyes widened in shock and he nearly jumped a foot in the air.

    “G-G-G-Ghost! Eyebrows hold me!” America screamed in terror and leapt into England’s lap due to the sight of an empty chair moving. England made a face of disgust and shoved the fat American off of his lap. “How many times have I told you to stop calling me that?!” he scolded and glanced over at the chair. He squinted his green eyes at the chair while Alfred hugged his legs, visibly shaken. A transparent form started to form and he looked awfully familiar. “Ah, what’s your name…? Um.. Ka…. No um, I’m deeply sorry. I’ll remember in a jiffy, just give me a moment mate. Uh… I’m sorry I don’t know your name,” England said apologetically while the rest of the nations looked at him like he was crazy. No one else could see Canada and England was known for seeing things other countries couldn’t.

    Matthew forced a smile onto his face and stood with his polar bear in hand. “It’s alright England, I’m going to leave now,” he replied quietly and rushed out of the room. Tears threatened to fall but he held them in as he ran out of the building, he knew that the meeting would go on and that they didn’t need him there.

    You ran into the meeting a few minutes after Canada left and rested your hands against your knees while you took deep breathes. “Sorry Germany!” you said quickly because of the look of disapproval on his face. You stood upright and made your way to your seat, you paused before sitting down.

    “Where is Canada?”

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got


    You pounded on America’s door with your fists and gave a huff of annoyance when he didn’t open the door right away. “Alfred Jones, you get your ass out here right now! It’s important!” you snapped. America paused the TV and walked over to the door with a light hearted grin and with his remote in hand. The cheerful nation pulled the door open and gave you his usual lopsided grin. “Hey dude, why do you sound so mad ___?” he asked and blinked his innocent blue eyes. You shoved some of your ___ colored hair out of your face. “Have you seen your brother? I haven’t seen him in weeks,” you asked. A look of confusion crossed Alfred’s face and his brows furrowed. It wasn’t that you didn’t like America, it was just that your worry for Canada was making you worried and your patience was growing thin. In fact you liked both brothers and considered them to be your best friends.

    Now you placed a hand on Alfred’s chest and gave him a light shove before moving into his house and scooped up a picture. “Matthew, Canada,” you snapped and pointed at the boy beside America in the picture. Alfred had a huge grin on his face and looked as happy as ever with his messy blonde hair. The boy next to him had a small smile on his face, timid violet eyes and a small bear clutched in his arms. “Oh… OH!” Alfred said and gave himself a whack on the forehead followed by an exclamation of ‘ow’. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a key out of a basket that rested on his counter. “Here is a spare key to his house… I don’t remember exactly where he lives,” America said with a sheepish smile, looking entirely embarrassed. You took the keys that he dropped into your hand and gave him a smile. “Sorry for yelling, I know where he is. I’ll call you Alfred,” you told him and gave him a pat on the arm before rushing out of the house.

I guess, I remember every glance you shot me
Un-harmed, I'm losing weight and some body heat
I squoze so hard
I stopped your heart from beating
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me, I..


    Matthew pulled the blanket up over his head and curled up in fetal position holding his knees to his chest. Kumajirou pawed at the bed frame and finally gave up. “Who are you?” the bear asked quietly before leaving the room and kicking the door shut behind it. Canada clutched the blanket even tighter in his hands. Even when he was little he couldn’t always be seen but he always tried to forget that face. At times Matthew had tried to convince himself that he wasn’t lonely because he was always surrounded by all of the other nations and even you could see him, but deep in his heart he still felt the pain. No matter what he did he couldn’t be seen and if he was ever seen – he was ignored because of America. He loved his brother deeply but his brother always overshadowed him. Sobs shook Canada’s body and he clenched his fists even tighter. The cuts on his hands began to burn a bit and his gaze slide down to his hands. Now the cuts had started to bleed again, they still hadn’t seemed to heal completely yet.

    When Matthew was little he had been perfectly fine with being with America but at times he used to pretend he wasn’t okay because during those times would be the few moments another nation would see him. Now Canada acted the opposite way, he would act happy no matter how much he was hurting and he worked his hardest to be seen – he gave it all that he’s got. Even so… no one could see him, no one cared, and no one could even remember his name or the country he represented. They wouldn’t even notice if he went missing, like now when he had gone into hiding in order to collect himself so that he could put on the act of fake happiness once again. A single tear slipped down his pale cheek.

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got


    You ran up the steps to Matthew’s small log cabin and almost ran into the door. “Matthew! Hello? Kumajirou? Anyone home?” you shouted and tried to peer in the window on the door. Slowly you moved your ___ colored eyes to look down at the keys in your hand and you jammed it into the lock. Quickly you twisted the key and slipped into the house before shutting the door behind you. When you rushed forward you tripped and landed hard on your hands with a wince. “Ouch,” you mutter and peer over your shoulder to see that you had tripped over Canada’s polar bear Kumajirou. A smile lit your face and you pulled the bear into your arms. “Where is Canada?” you asked him hopefully. The bear tilted its head at you. “Who?” the bear asked in its small voice.  You gave a shake of your head and put the bear down before standing and dusting yourself off. “I’m coming Matthew, wait for me,” you whispered and turned before rushing up the stairs.

    “Matty, are you there?” you called softly and leaned your ear against the door to his room. You hated to barge in on him, you had already come into his house without his permission and you weren’t even sure if he was here. “Matty, if you are in there please answer! I miss you, I miss your smile and laughter,” you called again, trying to get a response from the other nation.

And it's all that I've got
Yeah, it's all that I've got
Yeah, It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got!


    Canada slowly pulled the blanket off his head and peered over at the door hopefully. He swore he heard your voice but maybe that was just his subconscious. Matthew took in a shaky breath and slowly pulled the blanket back over his head. “I’ve been in denial,” Canada whispered quietly and gave a shudder. Sobs shook his body and all the tears he had been holding back over the years rushed out in an uncontrollable tidal wave. “_-_-___” he whispered pitifully to himself.

    You placed your hand on the doorknob and gently twisted before pushing the door open. After a quick glance around the room, you noticed the trembling lump under the blankets on Matthew’s bed. “Matty, are you okay?” you asked softly and approached the bed cautiously. You reached a hand out to place a hand on his back but his voice caused you to freeze. “No, ___ you aren’t really here, no one cares about me. I did my best, that it, I can’t do it anymore. I’m as lonely as anyone can be, I’m done denying that. Being alone is all that I have left,” came his quiet trembling voice. Slowly you lowered yourself so that you were sitting beside him on the bed.

    Matthew’s violet eyes widened in shock when he felt the bed dip down a bit under your weight, his lips shook and his teeth chattered. Slowly he felt a pressure against his side and back.

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me
So deep that I didn't even scream fuck me


    “Shhh, Matty it’s alright, just cry it all out,” you soothed with your head rested against his side. Gently you continued to rub his back and you held back tears of your own. Canada’s sobs quieted down a bit but he shook with sadness and despair. “Matty, you aren’t alone. I’m here for you, you are the best friend that everyone should have. You’ve always been here for me, which makes me a lousy friend then huh? I wasn’t here for you when you needed me most. I could have been here cheering you up and making you pancakes for crying out loud,” you told him sadly and gave him a soft, reassuring squeeze. You looked up towards his pillow and where his head was hidden. “Please come out Matty, I’m here now.”

    Canada slowly removed the blanket from over his head and peered at you with teary violet eyes, his eyes met your own ___ colored eyes. “Y-You’re here now and that is all that matters,” he whispered and moved some of his wavy blonde hair out of his face. He gave you a small smile and gently grabbed your arms before pulling you onto his lap. Your eyes widened and a shade of red spread across your face, but Canada didn’t see this because he hugged you gently and buried his face in your hair. “You really came to find me?” he asked quietly. You raised a hand up and gently stroked his blonde hair while you studied Canada. He seemed paler than usual and even under his hoodie you could tell that he had gotten a bit thinner. “Of course Matthew Williams and don’t you ever forget that I care about you. I love you Matthew,” you told him honestly and placed a finger under his chin before making him look up at you.

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got


    Canada’s violet eyes widened as he stared at your face and the honestly showing in your eyes. “Y-You do?” he squeaked and a shade of red crossed his face much like yours. You nodded and placed a kiss to his lips. Matthew couldn’t help but squeak about out of nervousness and couldn’t even bring himself to respond at first, his body was frozen in shock. It had been a long time since he had any physical contact from another nation. Finally his body seemed to kick into gear and he returned the kiss shyly. Gently you pulled away and pressed your forehead against his. “I don’t want you to feel lonely anymore Matty. I’m so sorry that you felt this way and that I didn’t help you. I will help you now. Hang in there for me, please? You’re not alone anymore and never will be again,” you promised him. You placed another passionate kiss to his lips and pulled him close to you.

    Perhaps Canada had you now, maybe he had a little bit more now. The loneliness in his heart was no longer the only thing he had and his heart swelled at the thought. A real smile crossed his face when you pulled away again and he stared deep into your ___ colored eyes.

    “T-Thank you ___.”

And it's all that I've got
Yeah, it's all that I've got
I really like the song even though I had only heard it for the first time just recently. I’ve become quite addicted to it and have been listening to it quite a bit – I find the lyrics to be a bit cryptic and hard to understand. I even had a friend give her opinion on the song and it was nothing like mine which was what made it fun and a challenge to use for a story. I personally thought that this person was lonely because of their contradicting statement ‘I’m far from only and it’s all that I’ve got’. This made me think of Canada and the song also made me think of struggling so I thought his country would fit. Why are most of my stories about Canada sad?

The song is “All That I’ve Got” by The Used. [link]
Feel free to comment, I read all of my comments and truly enjoy them.

I don’t own Hetalia or any of the Hetalia characters. I also don’t own the preview image, it was found on google, if anyone on DA has made it just inform me and I will be glad to give them credit.
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:iconigame101:
IGame101 1 day ago  Hobbyist Artist
my feels are wilting
Reply
:iconswreld-star:
swreld-star Apr 3, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
feels are gone they all died 
Reply
:icongravityfallsgoddess:
Gravityfallsgoddess Mar 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
My feels.... they are taking control over my body.... BLARGH Y U DO DIS TO MA FEELS, GREAT AUTHOR!
Reply
:iconlittlemisspagan:
I think my feels died a little there... Your writing is exceptional, by the way... which is why my feels have died a little...
Reply
:iconcindraofthelost:
CindraOfTheLost Jan 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
MY FEELS! *sobs in corner*
Reply
:iconcindraofthelost:
CindraOfTheLost Jan 12, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
(Also i would just like to say that i think you are one of the best fanfiction writers on here! :3)
Reply
:iconiwantcandy987:
Iwantcandy987 Dec 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
THE FEELS! (this is weird I was listening "By the grace of god" by Katy perry reading this thinking this is perfect) (Making me break my feels btw)
Reply
:iconzonya102:
Zonya102 Dec 1, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
The pic you chose is so cute
Reply
:iconilovedeaththekid13:
ILoveDeaththeKid13 Oct 18, 2013  Student Writer
Matty ;^; :icontouchedplz: :iconsoemotionalplz: :iconsobbplz: :iconcryforeverplz: :iconmahfeelsplz:
Reply
:iconamar8910:
;-; *favorite*
Reply
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